By Jared Lloyd Kohler
So, I met Sister Blain–NPU’s favorite Brit–for some tea to talk about the oddities of life.
You have had some big news lately. Can you let us know about it? Well, I am not pregnant. I am not engaged. Maybe I should make up some shit to make my life look very interesting.
You’ve always been a jokester, Emma Blain.
No really, I have been a Mormon for about a month now.
A Mormon! Do you get a new name when you become Mormon? Yes, I am Sister Blain!
Are you excited about the first snowfall?
Only for the food. I am going to eat so much chocolate. I am going to get a layer of fat to keep me warm.
Like the blubber of a whale!
It’s the tough life of being a college student. I can’t financially afford to go out and buy things but ARA has a nice supply of cookies to keep myself warm this winter. But really, I’m getting the heck out of Chicago before winter hits.
Where is NPU’s favorite Brit going?
Where ain’t she going? Haha! I am going on an adventure because my life is just beginning. Probably get married and have a couple of kids and get a tattoo of a vacuum cleaner. But really, I am moving to Utah next month.
Utah? You really are a Mormon!
Damn straight. I need some calm time. This girl gotta focus on her studies and not the bars. I am going to become a high-society athlete and hopefully get rich by finding oil. I am going to turn into a country, Mormon, high-class b----.
Emma Blain – the adventurer! So you’re leaving North Park. What is the best adventure you’ve had? Turns out I didn’t have enough brain cells last winter. Winter just hit Chicago and it was negative 20 degrees Fahrenheit. I was in Wrigleyville and I needed to get back to Anderson. I was wearing high heals in heavy snow and I thought it might be easier if I take them off and run back to Anderson. It was absolutely frigid. Once I got back I stripped off my pants in the lobby to get out of my wet clothes and I looked at my feet ... my feet were almost black–like a gray blue.
Yeah, I found out the next day I had frost bite on both my feet and a fractured ankle. So I needed a walking cane. I thought I would look like a pimp but I looked much more like an idiot.
Do you have any advice to give to North Parkers?
Don’t sneak into the dorms. Enough said.
Well Emma Blain... We will certainly miss North Park’s finest Brit. Now, don’t go skiing with your high heels on.